The "C" Word

When I was younger, the "C" word was a swear word, particularly hated by women.  Now, the "C" word is Cancer, and it's hated by everyone.

So many of my friends and family members have battled it - some are still battling, some have won the fight, and unfortunately some have lost.

Now it's in my home.  If you have been following my posts, you know that my husband is battling prostate cancer.  We were hoping the fight would be done once his prostate was removed. 

But that giant shoe finally dropped.

Starting in October he will be going to London for radiation treatment for six weeks.  Monday to Friday he will stay in a lodge and go for treatment every day.  On the weekends he can come home to our dog Raven, and to me.  I wish we could go with him, but we can't. 

And for the added twist..... I was diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma - skin cancer.  I had it removed this morning and will get the pathology reports next week.  As the doctor removed it, he said "no need to worry this is usually very slow growing" and the first thought that popped into my head was, yeah that's what they told us about prostate cancer. 

Don't get me wrong - I am not worried about me at all.  I'm fine.  I'm worried about John.

I finally figured out who, or should I say 'what', the monster under the bed is.  He is lying in wait under everyone's bed.  And he is hungry........he is always hungry.

Sshhhhh.....

The monster is stirring.  I can't see it, but I can feel it.  
Ssshhhhh.  Don't wake it.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop.....

I used to hear that saying all the time when I was growing up.  I have no idea where it came from, but it is supposed to signify that you are waiting for something to happen.  That is the feeling I have, and I am not sure why, or what, but I have a feeling it is very important, and scary.  It's not "the-waiting-for-something-to-happen" that has me worried.  It's the "scary" part.

Why do I feel this way?  Hmmm.....not really sure.  I just know that it is a very strong feeling. 

It's the monster under the bed.  The one we can't see, but we sure know it's there.  I hear the house creak, and I know it is watching me.  Watching and waiting.  Because it has all the time in the world.  So it will wait until my guard is down.  And then what? 

Geez I wish I knew.